The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
last night I used snow as a chaser
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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