just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
