she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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