Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think your dad took our porno
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
