K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
