I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
