My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
