we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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