Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
