I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
