FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
