she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
