My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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