Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
