It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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