now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
