My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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