Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
