i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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