in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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