She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
