Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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