i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
