Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
