Even the bartender felt bad for me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
