he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
