Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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