I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
