respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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