Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
