How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
