I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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