I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
