apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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