So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
