I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
