he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Drake has all the answers
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
