So drunk its hurt
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
