a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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