We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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