I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
