what day is it and did you see me today?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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