then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Panties = found
Randomize
