I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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