We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
