Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
