When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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