Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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