Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel great
I just peed on a car
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
