so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
