I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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