Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
