She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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