Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
