white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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