do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
